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ChessieJackson t1_iudb0zg wrote

One of the worst feelings in life is working hard to be where you want and finding it's awful.


ValyrianJedi t1_iudlru5 wrote

Big time. From age like 11 or 12 onward I wanted to work on wallstreet. Grew up broke and always thought that was how you made a lot of money, and it always looked great in movies and TV... Busted my ass in high school, busted my ass double majoring while working almost full time in college, busted my ass interning, etc... Then get there and find myself working 100+ hour weeks in a job with perpetual stress, where people are cut for quota each quarter and even of those who make quota the bottom 10% are cut at the end of each year... Did it for 2 years before admitting to myself that what I'd wanted and spent time working toward for over a decade wasn't actually what I wanted...

Conveniently though, most of the work I did towards that also ended up working towards what I do now, which I really like doing... So if you do a lot of work towards a goal then end up realizing it isn't for you, that work definitely isn't necessarily all for nothing.


THE_FUZBALL t1_iue3e0c wrote

You pivoted into software didn’t you


ValyrianJedi t1_iue5qv9 wrote

See you're familiar with the industry! Ha... Yeah I'm in software sales now. Still do some work in finance too as a side gig, consulting helping startups find VC funding, and wouldn't mind eventually taking that to full time. But yeah, jumped careers to software sales. Corporate financial analytics software specifically.


THE_FUZBALL t1_iuepgmx wrote

I’m a dev myself and have a somewhat similar story as you. I had an epiphany part way through college and was able to pivot to CS. Glad you found the path that suits you! People should never be afraid to start something new.


mushy_friend t1_iuf05i1 wrote

Man software devs are so cool! Most of the ones I meet have awesome life stories, or at least are pretty good at their jobs and make cool stuff on the side. Whereas I just stumbled my way through it. I'm not too bad of a dev but not great either


THE_FUZBALL t1_iufcykj wrote

Ah many devs feel the same way I wouldn’t sweat it


max6174 t1_iudbo18 wrote

This is very true! Been there done that


Starshapedsand t1_iudrgcw wrote

Done it many times. Each time, though, it’s gotten simpler to pick up and keep moving. Learned skill.

It’s also led me to better appreciate those places I’ve landed that I hadn’t expected to be good. There have been many.


mh930 t1_iugpc2c wrote

Currently feeling this :/


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iudjqeb wrote

i get stuck comparing myself to others. i am only 23 but feel like i should have accomplished so much by now . if anyone has any advice i am happy to hear


variousshits t1_iudmflj wrote

Not sure if it’ll help or whether it’s useful but avoid social media like Instagram or Facebook to gauge where you should be at your age. Been struggling with that for the past 5-10 years and only now am I slowly figuring out my own worth. All of us mature or get places at different times.


Starshapedsand t1_iuds8jp wrote

This here.

Nobody posts their bad times to social media.

Many of the people you see doing well now won’t continue. Many who are doing poorly will recover. For instance, the guy who terrified me most as a teen—violent, on drugs—is now a nurse. I’ve put my life in his hands in recent years, and I’d do it again tomorrow.

23 is also very young. Think of yourself as fine wine that gains complexity and flavor with age.

It additionally helps me to consider the concept of worth as inherently false. We all suffer. The effects of our actions won’t be seen for generations, if they’re even remembered. All that we can do is whatever we can, in the here and now.


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iudsj6c wrote

thank you for your kind words you are right. hopefully i can live out of my life with such wisdom instead of helplessness and self pity. probably the reason why i’m not getting opportunities in the first place


Starshapedsand t1_iudtqtu wrote

Come on over to r/Stoicism. It’s the philosophy I’ve found most helpful for that, while life keeps clobbering me (post history elaborates).

It also helped me to realize that pity for myself was pointless. Burns energy, accomplishes nothing. Same for beating myself up. Rewards for good behavior—I’ll take a walk for an ice cream cone if I can get this paper finished before the shop closes—helped more.

Feel free to DM (not chat) anytime.


[deleted] t1_iueqcgb wrote



Starshapedsand t1_iuey2nr wrote

Well, put it to work! You’re being sucked down by something outside of your control. Where she is today isn’t your concern. Where you are tomorrow is. You know all of this.

(If it helps, I recently went through my own divorce from absolute hell.)


Aeon199 t1_iugq1dv wrote

But what if you're a truly wayward and lost soul, though, who ain't young. He became like a "zombie" nearly, for over a decade. What I mean is, someone naive and avoidant already, and then they even got worse--they doubled-down on the avoidance. They weren't 'working hard' to get out of it, either. They were even allowed to be this way. Sure, eventually they developed their hobby and it became their passion. But still they're not doing much with it, and they're not integrated in society.

Highly maladaptive. So he's not a case where you can say "still young" actually he's older and at the point, developmentally, like someone much younger than him. Is it a lost cause?

Some "explanations" of it, he does have autism and ADD, he ended up with addiction, and kinda self-assessed as a lost cause at one point. He kinda beats himself up over being a dead-weight, which keeps him (like a cycle) from making any real improvement.

A lot of folks here are all "damn I had to work super-hard" this or that, this guy would be ashamed to write anything about himself here. He hates himself already for what he has become, he don't need more judgment even if it's justifiable...


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuh4sj1 wrote

reading this is scary because i cannot say you are wrong. i struggle with extreme anxiety and ADD, can definitely be considered maladaptive. i also feel sometimes like a lost soul and struggle to fit in with society. i did end up with addiction to weed although i have been a month free from smoking. i don’t wanna be a lost cause. i’m tired of feeling this way.


Starshapedsand t1_iuhonh2 wrote

If you’re both reading this, you’re still young. Reading this means you’re alive. Living is the chance to change things. You’re not too old until you’re already dead: turning around on deathbeds even happens.

Self-assessing as a lost cause makes it real. So assess otherwise, especially as it’s truly the case that your perspective is far too limited to know.

Again, I’ve seen people, including hardcore convicted criminals, turn it around. (Not exaggerating.) Even if you’ve done terrible things, you can still become a good person. When your issue is that you haven’t done enough things… you’re actually ahead of the curve.

Self-hatred: another pointless energy burn. The reason against doing it isn’t that you don’t deserve it. It’s that it’s completely pointless. Hating yourself until after the heat death of the universe only fossilizes yourself in the present, at best.

Society? There’s always corners to eventually find to fit, if you want to fit, and there are also ways out, if you want out. First, decide which you’d rather choose.

Tired of feeling this way: good. Time to stop.

Time to get moving. Time to persevere.

Like going to the gym, it’s a muscle. It’s going to hurt to move forward at first, badly. But it gets easier as you keep getting up.

Frigid showers also really help cut off emotional overflows, and give greater focus, stability, and energy within a day. If you learn one thing to help, this is it.


Kobold_Archmage t1_iue8y0n wrote

100% delete your social media accounts. There is nothing meaningful or positive to gain from them.

Next, figure out what your core values are, align your goals with those values, start moving forward.

Do those things and you’ll already be way the fuck ahead of everyone who’s going to blow up their lives then have a midlife crisis because they wasted their youth chasing things they didn’t realize they didn’t want.


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuepcgy wrote

i work as a DJ and music producer so I basically need social media to maintain an image/reputation/connections. i also just feel addicted. really wish i could delete. any advice there ? i appreciate your response


Kobold_Archmage t1_iuf9llc wrote

Let someone else run your social media and just delete the apps. In a week I felt so free from the constant notifications about bullshit. It was like poison I intentionally let them give me over and over. The algorithms exist to make you engage, good or bad


Likeable_Employee t1_iudre87 wrote

It's OK. You are starting out. I was pressuring myself at my 1st job. My older coworkers told me I was so so young and there's more to come. He was right. I hope the same for you. ❤️


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuds8ev wrote

thank you its just that as an artist i see other artists my age even friends of mine accomplishing amazing things working on big time projects. i know its not the right perspective to have but i cant help but feel hopeless sometimes


TydallWave t1_iue3k8v wrote

Hey man, I'm 23 too and I'm kinda resonating with your words. I'm in a totally different field (sciences) and I saw my friends graduating years before I did myself while I was struggling with depression and health issues, failing year after year.

I never could really shoo away the idea of being "behind" but frequently putting it all back into perspective helps. Now that I'm back on track I slowly realize that once I'll have graduated myself all this delay will amount to nothing over time. I'll get to write my own thesis and finally do true research not unlike my friends do right now, it'll come in time. You'll get to work on big time projects yourself and when you do you'll realize too that it doesn't matter how late it is in your life, what does matter is that you finally do.

I had the chance to meet people who had similar paths to mine and still were in freshman years in their 20s, and it helps a lot to share and dissipate the illusion that you're alone : in fact many more people out there share your feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness than you think. Before then I tended to work my ass off alone because everyone around me seemed younger, I just didn't take the time to look around and see the couple peeps that were in the same boat as mine. But with company it gets way easier to deal with inadequacy. Do you take part in IRL or virtual artist circles? Maybe you could find people like you with whom to make progress together without that little spark of shame you might feel with people generally younger than you who share your skill level.

I'm rooting for you to reach your goals no matter how "out of place" the world might make you feel. Keep going and you'll get there, what matters is that it happens, not when it happens. Godspeed 🤞


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuepskb wrote

thank you so much stranger i am about to cry lol. it has been a very emotional 2 last months for me. i know i am capable of working in big time projects as well i just have to keep striving to get that opportunity. thank you so much. God bless you and wish you all the best in your goals as well.


Likeable_Employee t1_iuduopl wrote

It's totally OK to feel that way. But know that it's not a reflection of you or your worth. And hope you keep enjoy making arts 🎨


Smarterthanlastweek t1_iugvm7e wrote

> i get stuck comparing myself to others. i am only 23 but feel like i should have accomplished so much by now . if anyone has any advice i am happy to hear

Everyone compares themselves to others. Compare yourself to people who are doing better than you (who've often had help getting to where they are that you haven't had) and you'll feel deficient. Compare yourself to someone worse off than you and you'll feel better about yourself and grateful for what you have.

Compare yourself to a homeless drug addict, or someone with cancer, and you'll realize you and your life doing pretty good.


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuh43av wrote

thank you, you are totally right. especially in the part where they have had help that i haven’t had. plus you are right i lead a great life with amazing friends, family and opportunities. the common person would probably love to have my life. so thank you 💜


swpr2605 t1_iuh7o5s wrote

Bro, there is a theory saying :"what you got right now is the best you can have". So, there's NO alternative universe where you could have been better. Just enjoy this universe, love it the most. What matters is that you can breath - that means you are alive.

That's the best you can have.


SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuhah66 wrote

thank you my friend for the perspective. today i am feeling a lot better 💜💜 God bless you


IamAlmost t1_iudia2a wrote

I've worked my entire life, constantly failing with the worst luck. I'm just so tired of it all.


dare_dick t1_iugrkna wrote

Take a break! Take your mind off things that are stressful for you. Enjoy the moment and try again later!


Upst8r t1_iuddep1 wrote

I got to where I wanted to be and so grateful to be here. I tell myself not to take it for granted.

Kinda makes me wonder what else I can accomplish ...


Metaright t1_iudkc5u wrote

>You WILL get to where you want to be

This sort of guarantee is the opposite of motivating.


The_Incredible_Honk t1_iue23vp wrote

And it's not realistic.

Some doors close for good if you're too slow or unlucky. And that's never a good feeling. It makes you reassess your progress, methods, shortcomings and misconceptions, but whatever you take from it will have to work on another goal.


zvug t1_iuewe0j wrote

Yep some people remain cynical miserable losers their entire lives and then die alone.


Metaright t1_iuf5bt7 wrote

Like I will, but it's still horrible advice.


Basoosh t1_iueeutv wrote

100%. You only get there if you take the (usually difficult) steps to get there.


fatamSC2 t1_iueqv32 wrote

Agreed. If you listen to this shit advice then you're likely to just be lazy and expect things to fall in your lap.


Poincare_Confection t1_iudwput wrote

I don't like when people say stuff like that last sentence.

"You'll get where you want to be."

"You can be anything you want."

This is well intentioned, but harmful. I'm 5'11''. Realistically, I had no chance of becoming a professional basketball player.

Even with the best possible interpretation, the main problem with the sentiment is that it makes it sound like you'll get where you want to go just by continuing on the path you've been going. In reality though, chances are that in order for most people to get where they want to go they'd need to make significant changes and put in a lot of hours of work.

A much better sentiment, imo, is "there are many goals in life which can be planned+worked up to a 100% success rate, but only if you're willing. Pick your goals intelligently, don't forget to take care of yourself along the way, and make sure you're enjoying life."


phayke2 t1_iuf9esb wrote

I'll get to where I wanna be huh?

Well everybody my age who wanted to start a family of their own already has like 3 kids from other dudes who are half grown so this advice better kick in soon I'm getting too old and so are the single women my age. And that career better hurry too cause my joints, energy and social skills aren't what they used to be either. Oh and building a retirement, probably gotta hurry with that one. Oh and affording a house like my old classmates have by now. Better get on that one about 5-10 years ago. And knowing what a gang of tight friends is like, probably should go back in time to before they all started families cause that's a 20's thing


Yes_hes_that_guy t1_iug5ph2 wrote

> I'll get to where I wanna be huh?

Cool so I'll just sit here and wait.


Tetra-76 t1_iudz26s wrote

"You WILL get where you want to be", I hate this hollow feel-good garbage. No, not everyone will, not everyone can, no matter the effort or the hope they put in.

For some, it's too late, they missed their opportunity, and their dream will indeed forever remain a fantasy stuck in "another timeline". For some, said dream is outside of their power, and the luck will never find them, or maybe it's just straight up impossible. And for many, no, the situation they're in is NOT okay.

What naive, vapid bullshit.


CapitalHighHDLR t1_iududr1 wrote

What if, after all of this social economic wreckage, I don’t know where I want to be let alone how


Primae_Noctis t1_iudo1fk wrote

More useless, empty "motivational" drivel.

It's been nearly 30 years, nothing has gotten better. After this long, there's no reason to think things will change.


Major_Act8033 t1_iue2gj9 wrote

This feels disingenuous to the point of being insulting.

I know where I want to be. I won't magically get there. I also have a very finite amount of time. If I'm not progressing toward my goal...there is zero reason to believe I'll achieve it.

Example: I'm 700 pounds and I want to be under 250 before I'm forty. In the last six months, I've pound... I'm not going to hit my goal.


immajuststayhome t1_iuebv2i wrote

Why is everything posted here so fucking idiotic?


Goldblood4 t1_iue7en3 wrote

I needed this a couple years ago. It went and came true by itself though. Life's looking better these days.


nankin-stain t1_iue1iao wrote

Unfortunately in the real world you don't get anywhere just by standing around waiting. And wanting something doesn't mean you can get it eventually.


day7seven t1_iue40yr wrote

I have an imagined timeline of retiring before I am 70. I should just be ok with retiring at 125.


Mootivate t1_iue8ia4 wrote

I like the end of the message, but I wouldn’t be where I am today without holding myself to the standard of my self-imposed expectations. It’s only unrealistic bc you haven’t made it a reality yet. Don’t have to get rid of those behaviors, just get rid of the beating yourself up about the failures along the way part


borkenschnorke t1_iuedriu wrote

This is really bad advice...

If you want to get to a certain weight but you just ate two pounds of junkfood or,

if you want to save for a house or appartment but just spend money on something you do not need or,

if you want to get a degree but just did not study all weekend, or

100000 other examples,

and you do not work on yourself and start working towards your goals, you will NOT get to where you want to be.


seeingeyegod t1_iuevhj8 wrote

Pointless self aggrandizing bullshit.


s3nsfan t1_iufo7xz wrote

Thank you ou for sharing


sentientlob0029 t1_iug2nvl wrote

Lol I’m trying to leave my current job to hopefully get one more appropriate to my level


[deleted] t1_iugm3n5 wrote

Vote for Giant Meteor 2024, the true hero will save us all from ourselves.


GiveMeTheTape t1_iugz091 wrote

So who do I hold responsible if this statement turns out to be false?


NoDramaIceberg t1_iudvlei wrote

It's ok if you can't get to where you want to be. Do your best but then let the chips fall where they may.


Yes_hes_that_guy t1_iug5y31 wrote

Nah this says I'm definitely going to get there and I don't even have to try.


AdNew1234 t1_iudz9ap wrote

Thank you, I needed this right now.


th3st t1_iue15g6 wrote

Or you won’t. And that’s ok too


BigBossWesker4 t1_iue1yj0 wrote

All I can do is my best, I ignore social media and people with unrealistic expectations and goals. "I don’t want to be no great man, I just want to be a man."- Josh Exley


TomatoesandKoRn t1_iue27io wrote

And then when you get there life will find a way to rip it away from you. This false hope bullshit it so tiring.


miyha_ t1_iueb91d wrote

Thank you, stranger on the internet. I needed this.


thomport t1_iuev8o3 wrote

Society should teach us this.

Schools should instill this concept. If it were a pill, everyone would be on it.


Yes_hes_that_guy t1_iug642v wrote

I hope you're being sarcastic.


thomport t1_iug6k4i wrote

No. In essence this tells people to care for themselves above all. I endorse that. It should be built in to the culture.


Yes_hes_that_guy t1_iugfito wrote

Without the last sentence, I’d agree. The last sentence makes it completely demotivating.


thomport t1_iuh11ys wrote

It shouldn’t. A pill is generally a remedy for a physical or mental issue. It’s kind of a resolution for the issue. My last sentence equates to every one should do it. I work in Heath care and often tell people who refuse to exercise when they need to that: if exercise was a pill- everyone would be on it. ( it has the same quantitation.)


Yes_hes_that_guy t1_iuh17oc wrote

I was referring to the last sentence of the tweet.


thomport t1_iuhrzoo wrote

Oh. Ok. Lol. But I’m an older person, who worked in medicine. I always kept “Giving Hope” on my tool belt. I interpret the last sentence as hope. Maybe it’s a strong suggestion but it may be what the person needs.


TheMindhazard t1_iuexn2w wrote

Bold of you to assume, that I know where I want to go. Tss


hoochiscrazy_ t1_iufn5x7 wrote

Wow these comments are so motivational


Aeon199 t1_iugqfc8 wrote

Right? What use is this place if all the "cynical" types will continue to rain on the parade. I get such advice is not practical for any given person's situation, but that is not what a comment should be discussing. Look toward the good, not the unhelpful.

I think a lot of 'hapless' folks will read these comments even, and they'll just nope right out of here...


LuckyDogLD t1_iug74a9 wrote

Just work hard and save…You can be rich and successful too!!


Sibbbb t1_iuguoq3 wrote

Lol what nonsense


Ruadhan2300 t1_iuh1dmr wrote

Okay, but I still haven't worked out Christmas gifts for my family


snocown t1_iuh3kdz wrote

It's funny cuz I'm exactly where I've wanted to be since childhood, it's these illusions that are the problem


TheParkieArtist t1_iuh7gns wrote

Needed this! Young Onset Parkinson’s gets me down once in a great while.


eccoemily t1_iuhg7k4 wrote

So needed this today. Timelines are my enemy, mentally and physically.


GBCWoodworks t1_iuhpcn9 wrote

Or you’ll die before any of it matters, like a beautiful sunflower…..enjoy the sunshine, damn the man