Trust me, this isn’t about being smart or stupid. Dad jokes are just like any other skill - it’s entirely about practice. Dads just have the advantage of having frequent targets for their puns.

From your other comments, it sounds like you may have two issues that need handled separately.

First, it sounds like you feel like it takes you a while to come up with good puns (or at least applicable ones). You can speed that up by training your brain to think of them, which really just means practicing coming up with them. I recommend starting by just trying to slip them in to regular conversation as often as you can. You don’t necessarily need to actually use them, so long as you go through the process of thinking “how can i sneak a pun in to that sentence” fairly frequently - but you should, because the point is to enjoy the suffering of people who didn’t get to the pun first.

Second, you need to get to the reddit thread early. That’s best accomplished by sorting by new and then living on reddit. You should not do this. You should accept that there is someone more addicted to reddit and let them have the dubious honor of being first. Instead of beating them, let them win, read their comment, and take your time to think of what other puns they could have gone with.

Then you should respond to their comment with the better pun they didn’t take the time to think of. After all, the fun really is in the punishment of others.

It’s about alcohol sales and protecting profits. If you let people leave efficiently they’ll go tailgate in the parking lot instead of buying stadium beer.

Edit: thinking about it, I’ll bet a relative lack of parking largely kills tailgating. Assuming european football stadiums are substantially more reliant on public transit, then they get some of those same protections as a free bonus on not having the same car culture the us does.

That depends on what measurement you use for the size of the square pizza. Measuring corner to corner gets you a very different number than measuring edge length.